This doesn’t make sense unless you read part 1 of the story here
So yea I asked her out. Valentine.
The only girl that I ever straight up asked out in my entire life.
It was awkward…oh god.
So we had been texting for a while right. I however doubted myself and lacked the confidence to make the big leap for a long time. We would text almost everyday for about a month or so, but then it suddenly stopped. I think I just convinced myself that it wasn’t worth the risk, despite having such strong feelings for her, so I just gave up.
About 3 months later I text her out of the blue. It was a few days before valentines day, maybe that’s what inspired me at the time. I told her I wanted her advice about a girl I liked. We met up in front of the library at school when no one was around.
I couldn’t even look at her. I actually had to face sideways while confessing to her. I was just too scared. But I did it…I ended up telling her my feelings that day. That I always had a crush on her…
Deep down I knew that she was going to reject me. I did not expect much but still, it hurt. I built up the courage and got rejected after all that. I never held it against her.
At the time I was not in a very good place overall. I was antisocial, shy, anxious, depressed, confused, just about everything you could think of. Of course my confidence was very low too, seeing as I couldn’t even look at the girl.
Fast forward to late 2016.
On November 16, 2016 I discovered that my personality type was INFJ. It blew my mind. Everything made sense. I felt like I was searching for something my entire life…an answer. I honestly felt just too awkward and anxious, ALL THE TIME. And I would always be so tired.
This moment was the most relief I had ever felt in my entire life.
Finally I understood what was going on and finally I can explain to others what was going on as well. In the past I tried everything to “fix” this problem of mine. Drugs, alcohol, diet, working out. They all helped…but only temporarily.
A few months prior I went to the doctor and got prescribed Zoloft, an anti-depressant that was suppose to lessen my anxiety. I honestly would have done anything to feel “normal” at the time so I gave it shot. I stopped taking them only a few weeks ago…
Unexpectedly, Valentine commented on my post saying that she was an INFP. I replied that I vibe with INFPs.
The next month I ran into her at a random Halloween party. She was wearing a costume that looked like a black female singer from the 70’s. She was wearing an afro wig that was actually pretty awesome and I complemented her on it. I was kind of hitting on her a bit but not really. Just like in the past we kept meeting eyes though, like really obviously.
Fast forward to 2017.
In January I randomly had the urge to throw a party. I was going to do it in my apartment with my roommates but It ended up happening at the place of another friend of mine.
Valentine showed up! OMG. Like why the hell is she always everywhere lol.
Anyway, it was so different. Likely because I gained so much confidence and clarity since she last saw me. I was still confused about a lot of things though. Like what to do after college and what I wanted to do with my life.
She hugged me when she saw me which was very rare and unexpected. Then we started talking a bit and we ended up discussing INFPs and INFJs. She was surprised that I knew so much about each personality type despite only learning about it a few months prior.
The whole night the eye locking intensified. Like it was beyond obvious and the mutual attraction was there. Nothing happened that night but she ended up driving me home
after the party. I kept insisting that we talk more and she agreed. She said she would message me soon.
At the time I had been intensely self studying Depth Psychology and MBTI. I knew a lot about every single type. I would teach all of my friends spontaneously too. I would even message friends I hadn’t talk to in ages and tell them to take the personality test online. A lot of them did and it made me so happy. I was also into Astrology as well, but I didn’t get into the real stuff in till just recently.
I took the test and it amazed me. The numbers resonated with me and I was hooked…I showed her my numbers and she showed me hers. She had lots of 9s.
Fast forward to now. April 12, 2017.
After that we kept talking through Facebook, never meeting in person. On March 3rd when I discovered the whole lucky number thing, the 3333333s(Read part 1) I messaged her about it.
She ignored what I said and changed the subject. We kept talking through Facebook but I was dying to talk to her about all of this stuff in person. Eventually after sending multiple essays back and forth to eachother, we agreed to grab a bite to eat and chat.
She ended up canceling, and we resumed talking through fb only.
On March 5 I asked if she was free to meet up soon so we can talk.
Then all communication stopped. She didn’t reply.
Now it pissed me off at first because she dumped all of this new information then left me on my own. I had no clue that I was so good at artistic things. I had no idea that I was suppose to create. I always knew I could do a lot of things, but I never knew what I was meant to do.
After a while I started to accept what was going on and I calmed down. I thought rationally about it and I decided to pour myself into studying Numerology. Not just Numerology, but Astrology and Depth Psychology as well.
I was determined to figure this all out and I wanted to see if Numerology was something more than what it seemed at first glance. Maybe I drowned myself in all of this knowledge in order to forget about Valentine, who knows.
Actually wait…now that I think about it, that might be why I put so much work into this blog in such a short amount of time. All of this is probably motivating me past my normal limits because I made my first blog post on March 5th, and she stopped talking to me on March 5th too. LOL
Eventually I narrowed down the reasons to why I thought she didn’t reply.
- She is actually just really busy? I mean she is a college student…
- She saw that I can’t pay my phone bill and doesn’t want to be with a scrub. lol
- She knows about Venus in Retrogade. (March 4th to April 15th)
Ding ding ding. My intuition tells me it’s the third answer.
It doesn’t make sense for her to just not reply otherwise. She could at least talk to me so we can discuss all of this newfound knowledge. If she won’t even meet with me then maybe she is scared that it will lead to something more.
Love is risky during Venus in Retrogade. Things often go topsy turvy without a moment’s notice. I would also certainly expect her to be aware of this too because I already know that she is very knowledgeable about all of this stuff. She knew a lot about all 3 (Astrology, Numerology, and Depth Psychology), before I even knew what this stuff was. Plus she introduced me to Numerology in the first place, which is the reason this blog even exists O_O
I’m going to continue to wait.
I will wait until after April 15th before I message her again. It’s gonna be so funny if I’m actually right about the retrogade thing. If not then oh well lol. At least we can finally discuss Numerology and stuff.
She does not know that I made this blog. In fact, no one does. I have not told my friends or family about any of this. Not yet at least…
Stay tuned for part 3!!! I wonder how this is gonna turn out…so exciting!