Dealing with Narcissists as an Empath

Empath vs Narcissist 

—the never ending battle

Every empath is going to encounter a narcissist in their lifetime, there is really no avoiding it. This is because an empath is exactly the type of person they love to prey on the most. Sadly, empaths who lack knowledge/experience quite easily fall victim. I can attest because I have fallen victim to these people many times. 5 times to be exact. 2 of those times I was actually afraid my life was in danger. Thank god I have my intuition though because I was able to sense, and avert myself from the danger moments before anything serious happened. Not going to go too far into detail but I can say for sure that I have learned my lesson. A lot of this happened quite recently too and I am still recovering from the trauma.

Each time, I was aware of their toxic behavior (for the most part) but I would associate with them anyway. I thought that maybe deep down inside they weren’t that bad after all. And I thought that maybe I could even change their behavior by showing them kindness and accepting them wholeheartedly. This is where my lack of knowledge/experience really hurt me. Little did I know that it is impossible to heal a narcissist. I didn’t even know what a narcissist was until after my traumatic experiences.

These narcissists constantly drained my energy, manipulated me in ways that I was completely blind to, and prevented me from reaching my full potential. My self-esteem was also extremely low in the past and I’m certain they could sense this. This was likely the biggest reason why I was targeted so much by these people. Hopefully this article will help others avoid falling into the same trap I did…5 times.

The Empath vs Narcissist Dynamics

The empath will view the narcissist with loving eyes, despite their obvious issues. They will purposely ignore their toxic behavior and sneaky games of manipulation, choosing to put on rose-colored spectacles instead. They will view the narcissist as someone they can heal, because that’s what empaths do, they heal people. But no…not in this case…

It is impossible to heal a narcissist. So please, don’t even waste your time.

The empath will provide the narcissist with their undivided attention, unconditional love, and understanding; all of which the narcissist lacked as a child. The narcissist will not be satisfied with just that, no no no, not enough. These narcissists want to take everything you have, and more. Their goal is to make you feel like you need them, but the reality of the situation is that they need you more than anything. In fact, they would be miserable without all the attention you give them.

Narcissists feel amazing when they are around empaths. I have personally been told this by narcissists themselves. They would say things like, ”I don’t know why I feel so good when I’m around you. I feel like I get an energy boost or something.” But I on the other hand would constantly feel drained and tired. If you notice this imbalance within the relationship then be careful. I assumed I was tired all the time because I was an introvert but the truth was far deeper than that. Narcissists are energy vampires and they will suck your energy up real fast if you aren’t careful.

The narcissist will fake their empathy and kindness toward you. They do this because they want to gain your trust. They will make it seem like they are genuinely interested in you and your problems but half the time they aren’t even listening. At the end of the day it is all about them and what they can get from you.

A narcissist is not capable of empathy. This is why they are narcissists.

They cannot fully hide their true colors, nor do they seek to do so. They will intentionally put you down to make themselves feel better but they will do so using sneaky word play and manipulation. If you call them out on this then they will tell you that you are just imagining things or that you are too insecure. The truth is that they are the ones who are insecure, but they will never admit this. The narcissist just wants to make your self-esteem as low as possible so they feel like they are in control. They want to make you dependent on them, whether you guys are in an actual relationship, or simply a friendship.

They will continue to play their little games of manipulation and then cover it up with kindness. The games they play will make you want to doubt your intuition, time and time again. The empath needs to cut ties from the narcissist before they truly do become dependent on them. However, this can be extremely tough depending on the length of the relationship.

Remember, the only way out of this situation is to cut ties and stand up for yourself. The longer you are around a narcissist the worse it is going to become.

Tips for Empaths when dealing with Narcissists

  • Realize your own self-worth.  You should never let another person tell you what you are worth. Look within.
  • Trust your intuition! Your intuition is there exactly for this type of situation. It can save you from a lot of hurt and grief in the future.
  • Surround yourself with quality/authentic people. People who make you feel good and help you grow.  You do not have to deal with unbalanced relationships in your life.
  • Be careful of staying around a narcissist for too long because you may end up developing narcissistic qualities yourself.
  • Stand up for yourself. Do not procrastinate and prolong the situation. Speak up and let your voice be heard!
  • Again, you cannot heal a narcissist so please don’t waste your time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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12 thoughts on “Dealing with Narcissists as an Empath

  1. Hey! I just discovered your blog and wow, I’m in love. 💕 This post was very relatable; I’m an Empath as well and have unfortunately fallen into a few Narcissists’ traps. Thank you so much for these insightful words.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve encountered a few in my life over the years too. Wish I’d realised earlier, but they can be so fascinating on the surface for a time…so interesting to the INFJ in me. You’ve given a great summary of what dynamics are going on, well done! It’s when you can’t ignore the fact any longer that it’s ‘all about them and what they can draw from you’ that the penny finally drops.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s a neverending quasi symbiotic relationship, because we want to ease their pain, however subconsciously we feel it. That’s what we were created for. Because these guys were hurt when they were very little.

    The key is to realize that some people just have to work on their own. We can’t heal them all.

    But narcissists are incredibly charming, or can be. Providing things are going their way. I’ve dealt with a few of them in my lifetime. And your post just made me realize, that fake shaman I keep mentioning is a first class narcissist. I swear I can feel their psychic tentacles reach out and try to draw me back in.

    What you said about being an introvert, I’m a total extrovert, but I’ve found that my introvert friends have a strength of character that is incredibly admirable. But maybe us extroverts are the weird ones. Did you read / watch Escape to Witch Mountain? If not, ask a relative who was a kid in the early ’80s (the remake is beyond pathetic, don’t even bother with it). In the book there’s a part where Tia, who is mute (but communicates telepathically) tells her brother Tony that she’s not the odd one for not speaking, he’s the odd one because he does. The introvert – extrovert question reminds me of that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly, I agree with you 100% on the quasi symbiotic relationship. Empaths and narcissists are really 2 sides of the same coin. Narcissists just went through so much that their empathy becomes nonexistent. That fake shaman is definitely a narcissist huh.

      I did not watch Escape to Witch Mountain but you got me curious now. I have to agree with Tia on this. Who’s to say that introverts are the weird ones for being silent? The introvert/extrovert really depends on how you look at it. But the majority of the world is extroverted and uncomfortable with too much silence.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Going by your last statement you’d love Finland. People there value silence, and the ones that smile a lot and talk a lot are the weird ones. Not everyone is like that, of course, but if you go to a party or hang out with people and just sit there, no one will say anything, or think you’re rude. When I think of my freshman year of high school in NJ, where if you didn’t say hi to people in the hallways . . . it was pretty extreme.

        What you wrote about the pain of the narcissist made me think of another book / movie. Johnny in Sleepers. Not saying he was a narcissist, but he was described as the sweetest, kindest, most caring kid until he was abused and became the most cold blooded killer.

        Ok, I’m done with the reading lists now. I swear, I miss easy access to English literature so much it’s becoming serious.

        Liked by 1 person

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