The comfort zone from hell and my problems with self-expression

For a large majority of my life I’ve had a lot of problems regarding self-expression. In particular, communicating verbally was the worst for me. As a child I always had a lot of trouble putting my thoughts into words and I would always speak waayyy too fast. Seriously, anything that popped into my head I would just blurt out, from one topic to the next. To top it off, I also had a speech impediment. I just couldn’t pronounce certain words for the longest time. For example,

Me trying to ask my dad for something would be like,

Me: I wanna play dames! Can we go rent a dame?

Dad: What??

Me: A dame! I wanna play dames!

Dad: *most confused face ever*   ???

Me: Don’t you know what a dame is!?

Dad: Ooohhhh, a game. *Tells everyone in the room and everyone starts laughing hysterically*

Me: *mad and embarrassed* 😡

Haha, they teased me about this for the longest time too and I’m pretty sure my Dad mentioned this a few weeks ago as well. It wasn’t just one incident though, similar situations continued to happen where people were unable to understand what I was trying to say. This was just really disheartening as a child. It honestly just made me really sad when people weren’t able to understand me and I would have to explain things over and over again. I was also quite the sensitive child and a perfectionist too. I mean, I didn’t even know what a perfectionist was back then, but now that I am much older I understand that it has always been a part of my character.

I think most people would be able to get over this type of thing pretty quickly but I really let it get to me. Eventually, I just decided that I was better off not talking as much and keeping my words as short as possible. So when people would ask me questions about something I would only respond with a few words. My favorite response was “I dunno.” or, I would just *shrug* and smile 🙂

I found that things were much easier this way because I didn’t need to feel embarrassed or disheartened anymore. Big mistake. Although I didn’t feel those things as much anymore, I also started getting too comfortable with not speaking. Before I knew it I had retreated into a shell, a comfort zone from hell! Seriously. This went on until well….like now. I’m still in that comfort zone from hell.

It only got worse and worse over time. I ended up convincing myself that I sucked at communicating verbally so I shouldn’t even try. And because of the fact that I always kept my words so short, I never really learned how to communicate properly. This continued from elementary school, to middle school, to high school, and even to college. As I got older, I also started to care more and more of what people thought of me, making it even harder to break out of my shell.

Basically, I had completely forgotten what it was like before I went into my comfort zone. I used to talk so much and speak so fast because I really enjoyed communicating with people. I actually love self-expression more than anything in the world, It just took me until now to finally realize it. Not only that, I realized that I’m actually quite the eloquent speaker, I just never took the time to learn how to speak properly.

It’s really funny actually…the thing I was most afraid of my entire life was actually the thing I enjoy the most. I enjoy speaking! I enjoy writing! Dancing, singing, I’m in love with self-expression! Deep down inside I always knew it but I convinced myself that it wasn’t worth it because my shell was just too comfortable.

Now every single day I am working on breaking out of my shell and expressing myself. I’m not sure how long it going to take, but I hope that someday I am able completely destroy my comfort zone and express myself to everyone like I used to when I was really young.  I’m not sure if you can imagine…retreating into my shell for so many years and then finally making an effort to break free, it’s pretty tough, but I am determined to do this. This is my current number one goal in my life…to break free from the comfort zone from hell, into a expressive carefree veil from heaven!

 

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Spirituality shouldn’t restrict you, only free you – my thoughts on the spiritual world.

As I’ve been coming to terms with my own truth about the spiritual world, the world of the mysterious and divine, I’ve realized that spirituality is meant to free you, not restrict you. If your spiritual beliefs place fear in your heart then I think there is something wrong. There should be no fear and there should be no judgement when it comes to spirituality.

Spirituality is about love and oneness. It’s about bringing humanity together, not separating or discriminating. It’s about transcending the physical realm where all we see are the differences between one another, into the spiritual realm where we are all one. We are all connected to the same source.

Spirituality transcends race, gender, and physical appearance. Those who are truly in touch with their spiritual side do not discriminate based on such differences. It’s about realizing that we are all just spirits. We are all just spirits living inside of these human bodies. And because of this, discrimination based on our physical appearance is incredibly meaningless.

I believe that regardless of what another person’s spiritual beliefs are there should be no judgement. For that only further separates humanity. We should all be looking toward one another with love, positivity, and acceptance.

 

 

Dealing with Narcissists as an Empath

Empath vs Narcissist 

—the never ending battle

Every empath is going to encounter a narcissist in their lifetime, there is really no avoiding it. This is because an empath is exactly the type of person they love to prey on the most. Sadly, empaths who lack knowledge/experience quite easily fall victim. I can attest because I have fallen victim to these people many times. 5 times to be exact. 2 of those times I was actually afraid my life was in danger. Thank god I have my intuition though because I was able to sense, and avert myself from the danger moments before anything serious happened. Not going to go too far into detail but I can say for sure that I have learned my lesson. A lot of this happened quite recently too and I am still recovering from the trauma.

Each time, I was aware of their toxic behavior (for the most part) but I would associate with them anyway. I thought that maybe deep down inside they weren’t that bad after all. And I thought that maybe I could even change their behavior by showing them kindness and accepting them wholeheartedly. This is where my lack of knowledge/experience really hurt me. Little did I know that it is impossible to heal a narcissist. I didn’t even know what a narcissist was until after my traumatic experiences.

These narcissists constantly drained my energy, manipulated me in ways that I was completely blind to, and prevented me from reaching my full potential. My self-esteem was also extremely low in the past and I’m certain they could sense this. This was likely the biggest reason why I was targeted so much by these people. Hopefully this article will help others avoid falling into the same trap I did…5 times.

The Empath vs Narcissist Dynamics

The empath will view the narcissist with loving eyes, despite their obvious issues. They will purposely ignore their toxic behavior and sneaky games of manipulation, choosing to put on rose-colored spectacles instead. They will view the narcissist as someone they can heal, because that’s what empaths do, they heal people. But no…not in this case…

It is impossible to heal a narcissist. So please, don’t even waste your time.

The empath will provide the narcissist with their undivided attention, unconditional love, and understanding; all of which the narcissist lacked as a child. The narcissist will not be satisfied with just that, no no no, not enough. These narcissists want to take everything you have, and more. Their goal is to make you feel like you need them, but the reality of the situation is that they need you more than anything. In fact, they would be miserable without all the attention you give them.

Narcissists feel amazing when they are around empaths. I have personally been told this by narcissists themselves. They would say things like, ”I don’t know why I feel so good when I’m around you. I feel like I get an energy boost or something.” But I on the other hand would constantly feel drained and tired. If you notice this imbalance within the relationship then be careful. I assumed I was tired all the time because I was an introvert but the truth was far deeper than that. Narcissists are energy vampires and they will suck your energy up real fast if you aren’t careful.

The narcissist will fake their empathy and kindness toward you. They do this because they want to gain your trust. They will make it seem like they are genuinely interested in you and your problems but half the time they aren’t even listening. At the end of the day it is all about them and what they can get from you.

A narcissist is not capable of empathy. This is why they are narcissists.

They cannot fully hide their true colors, nor do they seek to do so. They will intentionally put you down to make themselves feel better but they will do so using sneaky word play and manipulation. If you call them out on this then they will tell you that you are just imagining things or that you are too insecure. The truth is that they are the ones who are insecure, but they will never admit this. The narcissist just wants to make your self-esteem as low as possible so they feel like they are in control. They want to make you dependent on them, whether you guys are in an actual relationship, or simply a friendship.

They will continue to play their little games of manipulation and then cover it up with kindness. The games they play will make you want to doubt your intuition, time and time again. The empath needs to cut ties from the narcissist before they truly do become dependent on them. However, this can be extremely tough depending on the length of the relationship.

Remember, the only way out of this situation is to cut ties and stand up for yourself. The longer you are around a narcissist the worse it is going to become.

Tips for Empaths when dealing with Narcissists

  • Realize your own self-worth.  You should never let another person tell you what you are worth. Look within.
  • Trust your intuition! Your intuition is there exactly for this type of situation. It can save you from a lot of hurt and grief in the future.
  • Surround yourself with quality/authentic people. People who make you feel good and help you grow.  You do not have to deal with unbalanced relationships in your life.
  • Be careful of staying around a narcissist for too long because you may end up developing narcissistic qualities yourself.
  • Stand up for yourself. Do not procrastinate and prolong the situation. Speak up and let your voice be heard!
  • Again, you cannot heal a narcissist so please don’t waste your time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6 Signs Signifying The Dark Night of the Soul: This is Not Your Average Case of Depression

As seekers of spiritual knowledge, many of us will go through a period in our lives called the ”Dark Night of the Soul.”

If you are experiencing the Dark Night of the Soul as you read this article, keep in mind that this is all for a purpose. It is all for the sake of reaching the next level in your spiritual journey.

The Dark Night of the Soul is not your average case of depression. It is an extreme low point in our lives where we suffer mentally, spiritually, and physical. During the experience you will feel a sense of hopelessness and despair as you seem to lose all purpose in living. Your perception of reality will be severely distorted, and the way you view life will be abnormally negative.

As painful as the experience may be, you should think of the Dark Night of the Soul as a beautiful experience. A sacred ritual with the purpose of taking you to the next level in your spiritual journey.

The Dark Night of the Soul very often signifies the beginning stages of a spiritual awakening.


6 Signs Signifying the Dark Night of the Soul:

1) Spiritual depression – you begin to doubt everything you thought you knew about your spiritual beliefs. For very spiritual people this will be the toughest part of the experience. The world will appear as if it is one big lie. You may doubt your reason for existing and lose all meaning in your life.

2) Extremely stressful situations –  everything you thought couldn’t go wrong…goes wrong. For example, you may go through severe financial hardship – being unable to pay your bills, getting laid off from your job, an eviction notice from your landlord comes out of no where. Basically, the universe just bombards you with the most stressful life situations all at once.

3) Rapid change in your life – things begin to change in your life at such a dramatic pace that it is just overwhelming. You feel like you cannot keep up and are being swept away by the pace of the world.

4) You feel lost and alone – you feel as if no one can understand what you’re going through. And if no one around you shares your spiritual beliefs then you will feel more alone than ever.

5) Psychically and mentally drained – you experience feeling lethargic, sleeping all the time, getting sick too easily. You may feel a severe lack of energy and have trouble performing the basic duties that are necessary to live your life.

6) Depression – you don’t find much joy in the things that used to give you pleasure in the past. You have trouble getting out of bed, socializing with friends, etc. Like I mentioned before, this is not your average case of depression. However, you will experience normal depression symptoms on top of everything else.


My advice to you if you are going through the Dark Night of the Soul as we speak…just surrender to it all. Realize what you’re going through and accept it. Accept the fact that this period in your life is all for a reason. It is all necessary, and you WILL get past this.

The universe is not making you suffer so much without a reason. This is just a step in the awakening process. It is all for the sake of killing your old self so that you can emerge a new man. As cliche as it sounds, “Only by seeing the dark, will you be able to see the light.”

As you finally come out of the Dark Night you will feel a sense of relief that is almost laughable. Your perception of the world will be clearer than ever. Soon enough you will be able to look back at this experience and laugh at the whole thing.

Be grateful that you went through such a process. By experiencing such a dark period in your life now, the hardship you experience in the future will be nothing compared to this.